Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Forgiving the Ancestors

I have written before of the extraordinary pain and suffering caused by intractable conflicts and the cycle of violence that can go on for generations. Why is it that some conflicts are never truly finished and what would it take to completely heal them? Is such a thing even possible for human beings? Indeed, some of us are so cynical and resigned about conflict, especially long-term, deeply embedded conflicts, that we despair about the possibility of this kind of fighting ever being truly resolved or mended. And yet, individual human beings and even families and small groups have found it possible to create enduring peace after deep conflict, so why is it so unthinkable that larger groups caught up in multi-generational conflicts could find their way out of brutish and cruel conflict? The question I am really asking here is, "Is it possible to transfer the lessons of individuals, from the so-called micro level and apply them to the so-called macro level of affairs?"

We tend to divide up our understanding of the how the world works into the arena of the individual and personal (the micro level) and the level of the large group/nation/state or ethnic group (the macro level) and we tend to think that affairs in these realms operate very differently. Certainly they are different in scale. Studies in the academic arena actually divide them into different fields of study. The individual/family realm is studied in psychology and sociology; relationships in the macro realm are studied in political science and these are seen as distinct and different fields. But I don't think they are so different and maybe these fields have a lot to learn from each other, especially when it comes to creating peace and resolving some of these horrific conflicts that go on and on and on.

In 2003 when I made my first trip to Israel/Palestine, I knew very little about the conflict there. I had no ties to that land by blood or religion or ethnicity. I simply showed up out of curiosity. Boy, was I in for a shock! There was much I did not know about the history of the conflict between the Israeli Jews and the Palestinians so I simply could not participate in the endless arguments about historical facts that seem to be so characteristic of this conflict. Nevertheless, there was something hauntingly familiar to me about being in the Holy Land. What was it? It was as if it was in the air we were breathing. In the trip I was on, (sponsored and led by The Compassionate Listening Project) we went back and forth listening to stories of suffering by Israelis and Palestinians. I finally realized that why this place felt so familiar to me, (despite its outward strangeness of appearance and custom) was that it reminded me of my family! We're right. No we're right. We've suffered more than you have. No, we've suffered more than you have. I understood this rhetoric in my bones.

And because I have reconciled with my the majority of my family members and found a real family again after many years of discord and division, I believe that peace is possible. I used to characterize my family to friends, jokingly, as being like Bosnia. I did that to cover up my deep seated anguish at being cut-out of my family and cut off from them for so many years. Truthfully, it was the deepest pain I've ever known in my life. And healing with them was the most challenging thing, and the most miraculous and most rewarding thing I've ever done in my life. I believe that human beings were meant to live in community. We need each other. Conflict is, I think, natural. Violence, hatred, exile, and cruelty are not. It is possible to heal the wounds of the past. It is possible to develop skills in which we learn to listen to deeply to each other, to hear how what we have done in the past has been experienced by those on the other side. And it is possible to take responsibility and to make right these hurts, these wrongs of the past. It is possible to find a new, more loving and respectful way of living together.

After my first trip to Israel/Palestine I became so fascinated by that conflict that I read everything I could about the origins and history of that fight that will not be done. I returned to Israel/Palestine again in 2004 and it continues to occupy a central place in my thinking. One of the most interesting phenomena about this conflict is the extraordinary way it polarizes people into sides, even here in the United States. Almost without fail, very intelligent, rational, highly educated people who gather to talk about this conflict very quickly fall into an argumentative rhetoric about facts and which version of history is the right one. Almost before you know it, emotion is flying around the room and very sane people are taking one side and blaming the other. These discussions quickly deteriorate, far too often, into designating one side, often the Palestinians as the victims of all-powerful perpetrators, the Israelis. But then, the Israelis and Jews in the room, immediately feel victimized by that rhetoric and launch into defense mode. The attack is on and no one can open their hearts to the other side.

This conflict is not being driven by thoughtful, objective people. I grant you that many people seem rational and objective on the surface, but in reality they are not. They, both Israeli Jews and Palestinians, are being driven by myth and stories of past trauma that have been inherited and passed down year after year. And these stories of trauma fuel the current cycles of violence, retaliation and revenge which create more fodder for future stories and myths. No one seems to know how to break out of this vicious cycle. There is nothing unusual or different about the people involved in this conflict. If you or I had been raised in either of these cultures and grown up hearing these trauma stories passed down to us since the time we were little children, we too would be reacting just like the Israelis and the Palestinians have been reacting for the past fifty plus years. There is no room for superiority and judgment here. What is needed is new ways of thinking.

I was at an Advanced Training of the Compassionate Listening Project a few weeks ago and in that project an exercise was held to simulate a highly emotionally charged issue, so that these facilitators-in-training might learn ways to deal with issues when they things get heated in the room. The theme chosen for the simulation was the question of whether or not the new Hamas government should be supported or not by the Israeli government. A friend of mine who was born in Israel and grew up there in the 1930's and 1940's participated in the exercise. As the exercise came to a close she was telling stories of her experience living in poverty in Israel during those years. Suddenly she turned to the group and said in anguish, "I have asked myself over and over again. I have searched for answers. I have prayed and meditated about it and written in my journal and studied and searched for the roots of this conflict. We didn't hate the Arabs then. We were just trying to survive. We were so poor. What went wrong? What went wrong?" I will never forget the look on my friend's face as she looked up at us and the simulation ended. Indeed, that is the question, what did go wrong?

Llast night I was talking to a Palestinian gentleman that I know who has lived in the United States for many years. He was born in Jerusalem and goes back there from time to time to visit relatives. He told me recently that he has nieces living in Jordan who admitted to him on his last visit that they have considered becoming suicide bombers, so desperate are they to make a difference in the endless conflict with the Israelis. I was talking to this man after he attended a fundraising event for the Compassionate Listening Project. I found my friend in despair. Rather than inspiring him, the event had brought the conflict home to him and made him angrier and made him feel more hopeless and powerless than ever. He cannot see any progress at all in this interminable conflict. He has lost too many friends and family. I asked him if I could listen to his story. "I'm too angry," he said, "No one wants to listen to me being angry." I replied, "I do and I will."

There is so much suffering going on as a result of this conflict alone, and these are just two tiny little experiences of people here in the U.S. This doesn't even begin to touch the suffering going on in Israel/Palestine itself, nor in the intractable conflicts all over the globe: in Sudan, in Congo, in Rwanda/Burundi, in Liberia, in Nigeria, in Sri Lanka, in Colombia and elsewhere.
I find the conflict in Israel/Palestine particularly fascinating because I actually think it is ripe for healing and new approaches. One of these approaches is what I call forgiving the ancestors. The I/P conflict is a natural for creative interventions for several reasons: the territory of the area is small; the time frame for the actual conflict is very specific (from 1880 to the present); and many people who were alive for signifcant parts of the conflict are still alive. There are also many, many people who are sick of the conflict and there are huge economic costs to continuing the conflict.

My Israeli friend's question, "What went wrong?" is a fascinating one. The conflict in Palestine started in the 1880's when Zionist Jews from Europe, to escape pogroms and persecution there, began emigrating to Israel and buying up land there. At first the colonies were small and the local Arabs farming the land didn't raise too much of a fuss at the numbers of Jews arriving to buy land and live there. However, as the numbers of arriving Jews began to shift the population balance, local Arabs began to get worried and disturbed. After the Balfour Declaration and the British protectorate was established in 1917, a subtle shift in power happened with the British giving somewhat more protection to the Jews. The Arabs turned, for the first time to violence, and acts of terrorism took place throughout the 20's and 30's. With the Holocaust, the numbers of Jews seeking a homeland and safety increased dramatically. And so events culminated in the declaration of the United Nations giving a homeland to Israel, followed by the War of Independence and the famous Nakba, the Catastrophe from which the Palestinian people have never recovered.

The roots of the I/P conflict were sown during these years and in all the events that happened after them. Two differing versions of history have arisen and it is this that the two peoples still fight over, as if one were right and one were wrong. My proposal is entirely different: what is needed here, I think, is to embrace the worldview of the actual human beings, both Jews and Palestinians, who were living in those critical times and who took the actions and made the fateful decisions that sowed the seeds for the conflict we have today. Who were these people? They were the fathers and mothers, grandfathers and grandmothers, great grandfathers and great grandmothers, uncles, aunts of people alive today. If they were Jewish, they came to the land now known as Israel, once known as Palestine, seeking a better life. They came because they sought safety and security for themselves and their children. They were tired of being hunted and persecuted. As my friend testifies, most people in the early days were pioneers, many were literally scratching out a living from the land, and it seems, poverty was rampant. When people are focused on safety and security and taking care of their families, there is little room for generosity and overtures of kindness towards others who are already on the land. As for the Arabs who were living on the land, many of them were poor, some of them were literate, some were not, but they were clearly non-plussed by the increasing numbers of Jews arriving in their land. Their lands were being sold out from under them by absentee landlords. We know this from studies of Palestinian newspapers from the early years of the twentieth century. Nevertheless, despite their unhappiness with the steady influx of Jewish pioneers, the resident Arab population was never able to mount an effective protest againtst the encroaching Jewish wave of immigrants. They were never able to negotiate with them or effectively say, "Hey, this is not okay, we don't like it." They were a tribal people who were powerless to deal with their very westernized, more sophisticated interlopers. The conflict was real however, and this powerlessness took the form of terrorism and violent acts throughout the 20's and 30's and the British seemed powerless to stop it.

Now here's the critical question: were the grandmothers and grandfathers of the past who carved out a living for themselves or who tried to resist the incoming Jews bad people? Did they do it wrong? Nonsense! These were men and women who were doing the best they knew how to do at the time. If the new immigrants had had the energy to negotiate with the Arabs, if they had even recognized that their arrival constitued a threat to the people already on the land, they might have made different choices but they did not. Their focus was on feeding themselves and building a new country. For whatever reasons, the Arabs living on the land were not empowered enough to mount an effective protest and to make their voices heard with the incoming Jews. Nobody knew how to talk to each other. Nobody knew how to listen to each other. Most importantly, it was apparently not on anyone's radar screen back then that this was vitally important to do and if it wasn't attended to it would create huge problems in the future. (Actually a few people like Martin Buber foresaw the problem but no one paid them any attention.)

So the ancestors plowed on, doing the things they had to do to survive, carrying out the actions that they thought they had to carry out, doing the best they could. And some of it resulted in acts that still have consequences today. Is it worth blaming the ancestors over this? I think not. I think it is time to forgive the ancestors. I think it is time to let them go and let them rest. They did the best they could, at every moment they did, and each of us, is always doing the very best we can to make the best of the present situation. Let us bless them for their gifts to us and let them sleep in deepest peace. It is up to us, those of us alive today to relinquish the past, and especially the myths and stories of suffering of the past, the blame and resentment and the game of who is right and who is wrong and who has suffered more, and it's time to get on with life and create a new future for our grandchildren and for future generations. Let us create a new future without war, a future full of forgivenss and healing and empowerment, where our children can play and we can sit under the grape arbors and drink wine together in the sun. This is completely possible. Listening to each other is a place to begin.

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